Tears are not enough

Screenshot 2019-12-05 at 21.00.08Brenda writes

‘Totally cr*p day today. No need to sugar coat it. I was not ready to give up the pain relief. I had many tears and have had some pain relief back. They are re-instating my feeding tube as I can’t consume enough calories on my own. They want me to eat chocolate bars and crisps and get at least 2000 calories a day – I can’t get near it. On a positive note, Trend helped me to have a shower. Not so strong today, feeling a bit sorry for myself. But that’s how it goes.’ x

Enough said. I will be popping into Starbucks on my way in tomorrow to buy an 800 calorie Signature Hot Chocolate with double whipped cream and marshmallows on top.

Who ya gonna call?


Get well cards read, I was happy to wash Brenda’s hair for her this morning. The showering process leaves her sitting in a freezing bathroom, getting progressively more and more cold, so breaking the process into parts seemed a good idea. No sooner had we finished then Brendan (our surgeon) appeared at the door. Into the bathroom he came and he was stated that he was very pleased with Brenda’s progress. Even talking about potential days for her going home (next week hopefully). We see Brendan as our saviour and we are always delighted to see him. His parting shot, “Remember Brenda, we’re only separated by an ‘n’..”

There followed a little bit of maintenance, including the removal, for good, of Brenda’s main incision dressing and then off down the corridor for a spot of physio. Bridget and Mary Lou arrived their visit proving to be a great distraction with lots of laughs (our nurse for the day asked later if they were our daughters..we are all the same age!?)

Late afternoon Brenda and I did a circuit of the corridor and some moves on the parallel bars. Lots of positives today with breakfast, lunch and dinner taken, all of which will help to get Brenda’s digestion going and hopefully lead to her putting some weight on. I left her with the prospect of a bit of telly watching her fingers firmly crossed that she will have a better night.




A Hard Day’s Night


Today has been a bit of a rollercoaster. Brenda had an issue with her pain relief running out this morning. The term ‘patient’ has an implied direction in it, but this shall we say, casual approach to her care, necessitated the ‘squeaky wheel’ option to be taken and by the time I arrived, some oil had been applied.

A whole slew of good things then happened. A shower sponsored by Jo Malone, whose shares must be going through the roof. Then the news that Brenda’s catheter and last drain would be removed, which would make her more mobile. A certain amount of trepidation greeted this news, but both procedures, I’m happy to report, passed without incident. This was followed by a spot of physio, a brief performance on the parallel bars and some step climbing. Adele, soup maker extraordinaire, paid a visit and by the time she left, the stuffing had been well and truly knocked out of Brenda.

This afternoon she had a procedure to move her central line from above her clavicle to her jugular. The operating theatres are cold, and by the time she returned, she was freezing, feeling a bit knocked about and on top of that, everything clouded by anaesthetic. She will be fed through the central line for the next few days. She is desperately thin and there is no need or any great incentive to rush headlong into a menu of jelly and ice cream.

Here’s hoping for a good night and a day where she can enjoy being able to race about the corridors.

Hot for Tea-cher

IMG_3484Okay, so I’m pushing my luck with the song titles but, the tea is a good sign. Walkies, blood pressure down to normal, epidural out and main incision dressed. You name it we did it, baby, that gal was cooking with gas today. Hair-wash, a walk down the corridor, and the green light to move out of intensive care tomorrow. She even voted. Lots of snoozing too, I hasten to add but lots of positives today. The Wonder Woman dressing gown ( a gift from the Queen’s ladies) will be revealed in all its glory when Brenda next goes walkabout.


Under my thumb



A plan to get Brenda out of Intensive Care today didn’t come to fruition. Her blood pressure is still low and the nurses are trying to coax it upwards. Lots of good things though. She now looks more herself and was able to Facetime her Mom to sing her Happy Birthday. The physios managed to ease her into a chair for two half-hour stints and she also made two exploratory circuits of the ICU unit supported by a gaggle of acolytes. Very importantly, she was able to give her son a kiss in the flesh. I left her this evening freshly plumbed into a unit of the red stuff in the company of Madelaine.

The Lady in Red


IMG_5790Wonder Woman has hers and here are our own Superhero’s red booties. Brenda’s second physio session of the day saw her sit in a chair for ten minutes. Earlier in the day she had been coaxed into a sitting position on the edge of the bed so something of a quantum leap. She also enjoyed a bit of a wash and brush up but, clearly tired out by all this activity conked out.

The trajectory of the route to recovery isn’t always upward. Such early days but, nevertheless, today was a little bit of a reality check. She is looking more like her old self but was happy to zone out in her own world for protracted periods.

Great for Brenda to see Bridget Jacob (who stayed overnight nearby and did a double shift) and Madelaine Verchere who will stay into the evening. I’m now home with India and will be having a home-made soup courtesy of Adele Cleaver. So many people to thank Sam and David on Bonzo watch, Louise, Greg and Kirsteen with India. For the moment it suits India and me to have as few moving parts as possible. We are happy to be home together and I will catch up with Teddy tomorrow who will take the train into Basingstoke from Bristol.