Author: brendawontbackdown

Anyone not attending the service may be interested to know that we will be livestreaming it from 2pm (GMT) tomorrow afternoon.

We will post the link on the blog just before it starts for anyone who wants to tune in – the service will not be recorded.

Love Trend, Teddy and India

A number of people have asked me for information concerning Brenda’s funeral arrangements. After deliberating with Teddy and India we have decided to hold a funeral service at St Mary’s Church, Kippington Road, Sevenoaks at 2pm on the 20th September. This will be followed by a private cremation.

Due to access issues we need to limit the service to invited friends only. We are not proposing to have an event after the service but, will hopefully be holding a larger event in London in the coming months to celebrate Brenda’s life.

Love Trend, Teddy and India

The song Brenda selected for her sign off…

A plan was put in place for me to whisk her down to Basingstoke and we were there by Monday lunchtime. A scan revealed the problem with her kidneys, and I received the shocking news that this was likely to be the terminal episode in the sad saga of her cancer. Teddy arrived from Oxford and spent the night with her in what was to be a marathon stint of ten consecutive nights.

On Tuesday we left Basingstoke and Brenda was admitted to the Hospice in the Weald for end-of-life care. When we arrived, she was at a low ebb. Thirty minutes into her stay she had a haemorrhage. With that staunched, a fairly shell-shocked Doctor informed us that it was likely that Brenda would lapse into a coma and probably take her leave within twenty-four hours.

So began a twelve-day stint of round the clock visits. Teddy taking the nights and the rest of us filling the days. A change of medication was prescribed instead of the oral morphine that had been the mainstay of her being able to function.  Two days later it seemed that Brenda’s kidneys had slowly cleared the poisons that were clouding her mind. What a joy it was that she returned to us. 

Whilst the staff kept Brenda pain free, the constant output from wounds in her abdomen were the main cause for concern in keeping her comfortable. Time after time the dressings would fail, the changing of them causing her pain and distress. These wounds have been with us for a year and very few people would have been aware that when she made it up to London it was with a patchwork of wound bags. 

At this stage Brenda’s old University friend Jeanette, aka ‘The Bomber’ arrived from Ontario to add to our number. It was a great fillip, and I shall be eternally grateful to her for this initiative.  

The time passed and we maintained our vigil. Then yesterday there was gear shift. A doctor told me that we were back to the day one scenario and that time was most likely to be short. Teddy and India both had some alone time with Brenda and Bonzo was able to snuggle up to her feet. 

Jeanette volunteered to take the night shift and I left Brenda with a kiss. At about ten to three I got a call from Jeanette to say Brenda was ailing and that time was short. I jumped in the car but, arrived shortly after Brenda had passed.

Jeanette and I spent some time with Brenda and she explained that the nurse had urged her to keep talking to Brenda as the end approached. ‘I talked to her about paddling in your Cove in Nova Scotia saying that we were all there including Bonzo swimming in the water.’ With this image in her mind, she took her leave.

After a teary morning we have been mooching about texting and messaging friends and relatives. I opened my Facebook and the image at the top of this post popped up on my feed. You keep paddling Brenda. Thank you for our life together and the impact you have made on this world. 

Brenda Trenowden 15th July 1967 – 29th August 2022

A billion degrees outside and we’re back in Basingstoke. Markers shown in a blood test last week suggested that all was not well. A general decline in Brenda’s va-va-voom made us hop in the car for an accelerated follow up. As a result we are back in the clinic. A course of intravenous antibiotics has been started and its effect has produced a positive response.

With any luck Brenda will be home by early next week and our plans to visit Nova Scotia will remain intact. As ever, Brenda is looking a million dollars despite this blip.

Free of all drains (save one) and all other encumbrances Brenda walked to the car today for the first time since November.

We’ve been flying under the radar of late, concentrating on consolidating on positive improvement. Today the makeup came out for the first time. We have to pop back to Basingstoke next week for a day procedure and maybe an overnight stay but, otherwise things are looking up.

Many thanks for all the messages, calls, treats and visits.

Brenda is home. As we are pretty self sufficient, we are continuing the healing process under our own steam…all hands and paws to the pumps.

Many, many thanks to our friends at the Hampshire Clinic for your care.

We’ve been lying doggo this week. Brenda has not been up to speaking to people and/or looking at her phone. We neither of us had much to say, in truth. It has been a hard, hard stretch. Depressing, sad and at times quite dark. Some respite yesterday as Brenda spent much of the day sleeping. She is finally catching up on a string of tortuous, sleepless nights. Then, this morning I received a message saying ‘Bring my sunglasses.’ Hello, I thought, that sounds positive. Since then, they have been employed shading the bright lights and dizzying excitement of the clinic’s car park. It has been good to get outside and feel this pleasant March sun we’ve been enjoying. Fingers crossed for a good weekend and then, hopefully, we’ll be nearing the home straight next week.