Author: brendawontbackdown

They come from a land down under the good folk of ANZ (some of them at least) and Brenda joined them today for a successful first day back at work.

Today I felt like life was almost back to normal. We went to the O2 last night and had a bit of a bop to Bruno Mars. This morning I got up early and got my Guardian, FT and NY Times, went for a run with Madelaine and the Bonz (I’m up to 25 min now), had a coffee afterwards and then did my physio-directed floor exercises. I’m training for a Charity 10K run in July (although it’s like starting from scratch) and I’m going back to work (gradually) on Monday. So why did I burst into tears this morning for no reason at all? It was the second time this week. The first time was watching an episode of Grey’s Anatomy while cycling on the turbo trainer. There was patient about to go into major surgery and she had got all of her finances in order for her family in case she died on the operating table. Of course that brought it all back to me and I had a quite sob while watching it. Today, however, it was out of the blue and it was a loud long wail of a cry. Was it tears of joy to be getting back to normal, was it one of the side effects of my cancer-induced Menopause, or was it some delayed shock to the trauma that I have endured?

Come to think of it, I have been going back over the blog this week and reading all of the amazing posts from my incredible husband and all of the wonderful words of support from family and friends – and I am full of so much gratitude.

I’ve also been thinking a lot about the fact that I have been given a second chance and that I really need to think about how I spend my time. I don’t feel the need to make any radical change but I do want to do some things differently and to really think about my priorities – spending time with family and friends, campaigning for women’s economic empowerment, building a meaningful career. And when I think about it, I get impatient to move forward and put things in motion. And then I get overwhelmed with all that I want to do/accomplish/achieve/organise. Hopefully that’s a sign that I’m feeling stronger.

So what about those tears? I’m going to chalk them up to a combination of things and just let them flow. One of the many new-life resolutions that I have made is to be very open and honest and not worry about what other people think, to be true to myself – if that means a few tears here and there, so be it. It’s all part of the journey and I don’t think it’s a bad thing. I’m definitely different than I was before the surgery and I don’t think it’s a bad thing. I think that I will soon get back to 100% and then I will be even better than I was before – I had cancer before and I didn’t know it, and I’ve had a helpful wakeup call. I’m going to make the most of it.

Apologies to the Proclaimers for that mutilation of their lyric. Eagle-eyed pop pickers will have noticed that I’ve changed the header photo on the blog. It seemed fitting as we’ve come quite a long way since Brenda started this webpage. From a starting point, akin to standing on the edge of a precipice with a uncertain path and destination, Brenda has made steady and sure footed progress. The journey is not quite complete but, she feels that she is about eighty five percent fit now. She has managed her first flight, the only discomfort being due to her (dare I say) slimmed down ‘derrière’ which we should have taken a cushion to accommodate.

With a morning’s only return to work on the horizon the good work continues in the exercise department. The running buddies met this morning and our very own Wonder Woman was able to cut a dash in appropriately styled running tights sourced by the ever-dependable Madelaine.

 

 

After a transfer that nearly did for us all, let alone Mrs 3 Months post-op, we have relocated. Needless to say the gentle grind of the exercise regime continues and the interminable 80’s accompaniment required to do it.

Brenda has had her first swim today and we have a hike with a guide planned for tomorrow.

We’re nestled in the Atlas Mountains in a fantastic setting discovered and developed by Riaz and Babs (L’Amandier). It is amazing to see it nearing completion having followed its progress to-date.

Brenda is going to hate me for this picture but, having just found her breaking our ‘no running yet’ rule I feel perfectly within my rights. This, in spite of several nights of broken sleep and a day of ‘feeling odd’ on Friday…sigh. I guess, it means we’re heading in the right direction.

A trip to London today for a brief early morning meeting a  haircut and some new jeans. Having dropped two dress sizes Brenda’s wardrobe is need of an update. Consequently, Mr Selfridge was doing brisk business this lunchtime.

When we saw a sign for ‘Canadian Camp’ in the grounds of Winston Churchill’s Chartwell this morning we just had to have a look. These two Canadians were delighted to find the pictured hammock to put their feet up in.

We’ve had a good week that has seen Brenda travel to London for a couple of brief meetings with 30 Percent and CWN. Nicki dropped in during the week to discuss Poetry and Spanish lessons and we had a nice visit despite the downpour which brought these three together (see below – card by http://www.lindsaydupont.com). Later that day we were due to pop in to Oliver Barratt’s new sculpture show but events in London kinda put the mockers on this (www.oliverbarratt.co.uk). Oliver has taught India at school and was a pupil there in my time.

The main thrust of today’s message seems to be that things are really starting to get back to some sort of normal (touch wood.) However, Brenda’s diary isn’t going into overdrive just yet. The Buprenorphine patch is now a thing of the past and although there has been some reaction to this, stomach turning and pain I think it is gone for good. Teddy is back from school for the holidays this evening which will make up for the absence of our globetrotting India who is in China on a school trip.

Having dipped half a toe back into the world of work last week,  Brenda had a meeting of the 30 Percent Club steering committee bright and early this morning. Of this Tamara commented on Twitter ‘So happy to have BT at helm of our steer Co today.’ Not something I’d have thought would be happening two and half months ago. Needless to say she’s now back home and tearing round the house…not. Pain meds now down to 5mg and we may go cold turkey next week. Watch this space.

Brens looking very much her old self and in typical guise. A brief meeting with her boss in Mayfair and then a quick drop in and glass of fizz at an event last night. We were safely tucked up in front of a roaring telly by nine (for those of you who are worried she is pushing her luck. Today we’ve had a beautiful sunny day, have walked the pooch, given Brenda’s MG an outing and are off to her first physio session this afternoon.

 

 

 

…to feel relatively normal!