The lyrics from Green Day “Summer has come and passed, the innocent can never last…” felt appropriate for this blog. It’s a hard one to write as I’m not really sure what to write or why I’m writing it, other than perhaps helping to get the narrative straight in my head.
I’ve had a lovely summer in spite of Covid. It’s been great to have both children around so much and to have nice weather to enjoy some croquet and bbq’s together. I was lucky to be able to have a short visit with my mum and to catch up with some of my friends and family in Nova Scotia, and my job is going well, my boards are busy and there has been lots of cricket on the telly. And, I’ve been feeling well and managed to get out on my bike and do some lovely off-road running as well.
Prior to my surgery in November last year, I was having CT scans and blood tests every three months to monitor the progression of my disease, so we were very much on top of it. Post-op, however, we decided to wait six months and then with Covid, we delayed further until mid-September – particularly as I was feeling fit and well. As a result, it felt like a real slap in the face when my recent scan showed that the disease is progressing. It really pulled me out of my world of ‘happy denial’ and I had a hard time reconciling the news with how well I have been feeling. As for treatment, I’m not a good candidate for more surgery and chemotherapy isn’t known to have much effect on my cancer. I’m not, however, one to just sit back and do nothing, so I am speaking to other doctors and looking into alternative therapies.
Coming back to why I’m writing about this – it’s not because I’m stepping back from things and sitting at home resting. Of course I’m not. I still feel really well despite what the scans show. I love my work and my boards and 30% Club activities and all of these things together with my family and friends are what give me my strong sense of purpose and fuel my resilience. However, as strong and as Wonder Wonder-like as I like to think I am, I do find it all a bit overwhelming at times and I do have the occasional blip. When that happens I need to let a few tears fall, listen to some upbeat 80’s music and have a dance. I would have said that I may ask for a random hug as well but sadly Covid won’t allow it. It also means that I may not be as on top of all of my emails as I would like – please don’t worry or take it personally if I don’t respond right away. I’m trying to get better at finding a bit of downtime to read or do some exercise or to just be. I love my life and I intend to continue to enjoy every moment of it, to live life to the fullest, and to take the time to savour it.