“Wake Me Up When September Ends”

The lyrics from Green Day “Summer has come and passed, the innocent can never last…” felt appropriate for this blog.  It’s a hard one to write as I’m not really sure what to write or why I’m writing it, other than perhaps helping to get the narrative straight in my head. 

I’ve had a lovely summer in spite of Covid.  It’s been great to have both children around so much and to have nice weather to enjoy some croquet and bbq’s together.  I was lucky to be able to have a short visit with my mum and to catch up with some of my friends and family in Nova Scotia, and my job is going well, my boards are busy and there has been lots of cricket on the telly.  And, I’ve been feeling well and managed to get out on my bike and do some lovely off-road running as well.

Prior to my surgery in November last year, I was having CT scans and blood tests every three months to monitor the progression of my disease, so we were very much on top of it.  Post-op, however, we decided to wait six months and then with Covid, we delayed further until mid-September – particularly as I was feeling fit and well.  As a result, it felt like a real slap in the face when my recent scan showed that the disease is progressing.  It really pulled me out of my world of ‘happy denial’ and I had a hard time reconciling the news with how well I have been feeling.  As for treatment, I’m not a good candidate for more surgery and chemotherapy isn’t known to have much effect on my cancer.  I’m not, however, one to just sit back and do nothing, so I am speaking to other doctors and looking into alternative therapies.

Coming back to why I’m writing about this – it’s not because I’m stepping back from things and sitting at home resting.  Of course I’m not.  I still feel really well despite what the scans show.  I love my work and my boards and 30% Club activities and all of these things together with my family and friends are what give me my strong sense of purpose and fuel my resilience.  However, as strong and as Wonder Wonder-like as I like to think I am, I do find it all a bit overwhelming at times and I do have the occasional blip.  When that happens I need to let a few tears fall, listen to some upbeat 80’s music and have a dance.  I would have said that I may ask for a random hug as well but sadly Covid won’t allow it.  It also means that I may not be as on top of all of my emails as I would like – please don’t worry or take it personally if I don’t respond right away.  I’m trying to get better at finding a bit of downtime to read or do some exercise or to just be.  I love my life and I intend to continue to enjoy every moment of it, to live life to the fullest, and to take the time to savour it.

13 thoughts on ““Wake Me Up When September Ends”

  1. Bren, that was well written. I am so proud of you and your family. You know that I am always here for you and you are on my mind constantly. We had a great week together when you were here for 3 wks in July and August and I appreciated the visit. You are amazingly strong and determined which started from the time you were a little girl. You have done so well for yourself, especially with Trendy by your side. You are allowed to have tears whenever you like. Crying helps to relieve some of the stress. Dancing and playing your favorite 80’s is great! It makes you feel good. One day at a time and enjoy it to the fullest. You have so many wonderful friends and family praying for you. We won’t give up as you never know what new development will arrive. All the Very Best. Lots of Love Mummy. XX

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  2. I feel like a bucket of water has been dropped on my head… having felt so happy for you & your family in what we assumed was a new state of recovery. As always you are a shining example of resilience, hope and positivity. You are in my prayers. Love to you all.

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  3. Being the marsh mellow of the family, I certainly know what it’s like to shed a tear, and with everything that you have been through, it certainly is understandable. But you will be the strong women I know you to be. Blast those 80’s tunes, and dance to your hearts content. Thinking of you often and sending virtual hugs from across the pond. Take Care.

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  4. Brenda, Your resilience and outlook is such an inspiration. Love the photo of you looking so gorgeous, but it is what’s inside that’s so sparkling. L

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  5. Brenda all the best to you. My thoughts and prayers are with you.you are a strong young lady and have got this!one day at a time. You are your Mothers daughter and you strength and determination is second to none. NEVER BACK DOWN SAVOUR THE DAY💕💕
    GWEN MACKAY

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  6. Brenda, so glad to read that you are remaining positive and active during this illness. I believe positivity, perseverance, along with the power of pray, help us get through each day! Looking forward to your next Blog, virtual hugs to you! Elaine(your mom’s sorority sister)

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  7. Brenda, Sending lots of love and prayers to you and your family from NS. Your mom is great at keeping us posted on your progress. So sorry to hear of this last report. May our God continue to give you the strength and courage as you face the coming days. You are such an inspiration to all! Hugs, Gerry ( one of your mom’s sorority sisters)

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  8. Brenda
    Good to hear from you
    About your adventures and the things you do,
    I’m sorry to hear your latest blow
    You’ll deal with it in the way you know,
    Looking fresh and glam
    As you always do,
    Sending love and hugs
    From me to you
    Xx

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  9. Dear Brenda, I know you may not feel brave or inspirational or amazing because you are just dealing with with what you have to deal with in the best way you can but you are indeed all of those things and more. Sending you lots of love, Lucy xx

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