I don’t know why I keep coming back to that Elton John song, but I do. It’s all been a bit surreal since last Monday when we travelled to Basingstoke for what I expected to be a routine visit to Mr.Moran to get the results of my first post-op scan. Having been dancing around for months celebrating the fact that I had recovered from such a major op and was cancer free, I couldn’t quite process the news that the scan showed that the fluid that is characteristic of my ‘PMP’ had returned. It seems that some of those pesky cancer cells survived the heated chemo at the time of my op and are back at it.
How am I feeling? I’ve gone through the full range of emotions and thoughts over the past week – shocked, annoyed, frustrated, determined, sad, scared, positive, belligerent, disbelief, denial, resilient, strong, and combative. But mainly I am smiling and positive and determined to throw everything I can at it.
While there’s not getting round the fact that this is a crappy situation, I’m in the best possible place to take it on. I have a loving family and friends who are all there for me, my team and bosses at ANZ couldn’t be more supportive, and I’ve got a new pit crew member called Dr.Krell who will oversee my chemo. And, my running buddies will keep me fit and healthy jogging in Knole Park.
I start chemo tomorrow and have benefitted from lots of great advice from the amazing Deborah James (known as ‘bowelbabe’ on Twitter and Instagram). Having followed Deborah for the past year and watched her amazing spirit and energy whilst going through surgery followed by chemo, I said ‘I want some of what she’s having’. It turns out that they will treat my cancer like bowel cancer and so I will have a similar cocktail served up in a similar style. My assumption is that I will carry on as normal with a few small adjustments to my routine every two weeks (and I shouldn’t even lose my hair).
So I’m going into it still singing along to Tom Petty’s ‘I won’t back down’ but I also keep hearing the refrain from ‘Tubthumping’ by Chumbawamba – ‘I get knocked down, but I get up again, You are never gonna keep me down’!