The bitch is back

I don’t know why I keep coming back to that Elton John song, but I do.  It’s all been a bit surreal since last Monday when we travelled to Basingstoke for what I expected to be a routine visit to Mr.Moran to get the results of my first post-op scan. Having been dancing around for months celebrating the fact that I had recovered from such a major op and was cancer free, I couldn’t quite process the news that the scan showed that the fluid that is characteristic of my ‘PMP’ had returned.  It seems that some of those pesky cancer cells survived the heated chemo at the time of my op and are back at it.

How am I feeling?  I’ve gone through the full range of emotions and thoughts over the past week – shocked, annoyed, frustrated, determined, sad, scared, positive, belligerent, disbelief, denial, resilient, strong, and combative.  But mainly I am smiling and positive and determined to throw everything I can at it.

While there’s not getting round the fact that this is a crappy situation, I’m in the best possible place to take it on.  I have a loving family and friends who are all there for me, my team and bosses at ANZ couldn’t be more supportive, and I’ve got a new pit crew member called Dr.Krell who will oversee my chemo.  And, my running buddies will keep me fit and healthy jogging in Knole Park.

I start chemo tomorrow and have benefitted from lots of great advice from the amazing Deborah James (known as ‘bowelbabe’ on Twitter and Instagram).  Having followed Deborah for the past year and watched her amazing spirit and energy whilst going through surgery followed by chemo, I said ‘I want some of what she’s having’.  It turns out that they will treat my cancer like bowel cancer and so I will have a similar cocktail served up in a similar style.  My assumption is that I will carry on as normal with a few small adjustments to my routine every two weeks (and I shouldn’t even lose my hair).

So I’m going into it still singing along to Tom Petty’s ‘I won’t back down’ but I also keep hearing the refrain from ‘Tubthumping’ by Chumbawamba – ‘I get knocked down, but I get up again, You are never gonna keep me down’!

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21 thoughts on “The bitch is back

  1. Keep up the good fight…


    Linda French

    3 Spinnaker Road RR 1 Hubbards, B0J 1T0

    902-228-2403 902-980-0145 C

    * Please consider your environmental responsibility before printing this e-mail*

    On Tue, Nov 14, 2017 at 5:09 PM, Brenda won’t back down wrote:

    > brendawontbackdown posted: “I don’t know why I keep coming back to that > Elton John song, but I do. It’s all been a bit surreal since last Monday > when we travelled to Basingstoke for what I expected to be a routine visit > to Mr.Moran to get the results of my first post-op scan. Havin” >

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I was just thinking today how it’s almost a year since I heard your bad news & how brilliantly you have faced-up to it all. I can hardly believe what I’ve just read but know that if anyone can beat it; you can. Keep getting up again. x

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Dear Brenda, life is definitely not fair, but it’s dished up some bad luck to the wrong person here – you were inspirational last time and will be now. Thinking of you all along the way . J xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Just not fair that you have to put up another fight, but you’re a winner. Sending you lots of positive energy and putting you in my thoughts and prayers as you persevere through this. Was just thinking this am, that we’ll have to schedule some run time whenever you get some down time. I’ll be on your case. Aside- Saw Teddy this evening @jeanette Winterson Talk, hope he enjoyed as much as I did. Take care, dear CG, we’re all backing you.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Brenda,
    Sending all of our support to such a strong and inspirational woman. You will continue to make a huge difference in the world in many ways. We are cheering you on in this difficult journey. All of our very best,
    Jennifer Laidlaw and the 30% Club Canada Advisory Committee

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Still processing this and have experienced the range of emotions; but you are the most resilient and strong woman I have ever met, this cancer doesn’t stand a chance against you! Sending you lots of love and healing power to add to your Wonder Woman powers! Xo Bomb

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Hey Bren, are hearts sunk with disbelief today but knowing how you managed last year with such incredible determination, positiveness and grace I know you will be equally amazing this time. You have friends right around the world cheering you on. You’ll beat this. xo

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Brenda, Brenda, this news is bum. But that Tom petty song you should continue to hum. Your courage and strength have been good to you, you’ve got this thing, you know just what to do.
    I will hum too, to send a message loud and clear , CHUFF OFF big C there’s no place for you here. Xx much love Starbuck familam xx

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Brenda, I send you a message on FB messenger. I love receiving your updates and feeling connected after all this years Brenda. Happy to hear that you are in a great place. I am in Hong Kong, but somehow, close to you.
    Love, Gabriela

    Liked by 2 people

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