It’s funny how things lurking below the surface pop up from time to time and completely take you by surprise – particularly when you had no idea that they were there in the first place.
I woke up in my usual good mood this morning looking forward to my day, despite the fact that my first ‘meeting’ would be a blood test at London Bridge hospital ahead of my upcoming one year CT scan. I planned to get there before the clinic started so that I could be first in the queue and then get on with my day. My only concern was the usual issue about the challenge of finding my veins. I have a track record of emerging from blood tests with a lot of puncture marks and bruises!
I was therefore delighted when Edwin found a good vein instantly and had taken blood and patched me up within 5 minutes. I thanked him profusely proclaiming it to be the best blood test ever and vowed to seek him out personally next time. We laughed and I headed off down the corridor with a smile on my face.
Given that context, I was not at all prepared for the floods of tears that erupted moments later as I walked down the hallway. I realised that the last time that I had been there had been this time last year when I had my biopsies and tests and was diagnosed with cancer. I guess the surroundings triggered the emotions I had experienced there last year and I was completely unable to stop them washing over me. I had to stop and call a friend to make me laugh so that I could gather myself together and carry on to work. Luckily David’s tales of massage therapy for his new dog brought an instant smile to my face and helped me over it.
It’s weird – if you asked me, I would tell you that I feel no sadness or fear. I feel almost fully recovered and very positive about my future. However, just typing this blog has me on the verge of tears. Trend is right when he reminds me that it’s not that long since the surgery and I perhaps need to take time once and while and be kind to myself. A good cry is actually quite therapeutic!
A small Canadian nod to Gord Downie who yesterday succumbed to his cancer.